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England's Euro Chances - For The Techy

We understand that Football does tend to be a bit of a foreign language to the average Sysadmin, and you could probably name more Eurovision Song Contest competitors than European Championship teams. (No, Australia are not taking part).

However, at Opsview we love to monitor things, and it just so happens that England’s performance in Euro 2016 is the next variable on our agenda.

Have a play with our fully featured Enterprise Level plugin to see our dashboards, graphs and Process Maps in a football context as we monitor everything from results to red cards. Don’t miss a single goal and join us as we monitor all the teams including England’s journey to lifting the European Trophy…

…apologies, I got carried away. Saying that, England are ranked as fourth favourites for the tournament, and whisper it quietly, we do genuinely have a chance of claiming European Glory.

Unfortunately at Opsview, we are slightly more pessimistic going in to the competition. Here is our assessment and prediction for England in technological terminology.

Exciting features packed onto dated technology

Consider the England National team your IT Network Infrastructure. Despite containing a large number of new, state of the art components, the Network is managed by an ancient Operating System, whose pre-historic methods are not suitable for the innovative constituents at its disposal.

*England have a lot of exciting young talents, yet our manager is a dinosaur in the modern game
**He’s old

Blind to the obvious pain points 

On top of the dated OS, a large number of the Network’s components have been suffering from viruses for several months, or have been malfunctioning under the demand of the consumer, and yet still for some reason are relied on to ensure minimal downtime. Our operating system is so devoted to its favourite software that it is blinded by the pain points that are clear to see.

*Lots of our players have been injured or out of form for months, yet still seem to get picked…

Forgive the loose metaphors but that’s the extent of the marketing technology lexicon.

A serious assessment

We (England) do have some very exciting players in the squad. In Jamie Vardy and Harry Kane we have 2 of the most prolific goal scorers in European football over the last 12 months, and with exciting young diamonds Dele Alli and Ross Barkley getting on the ball in the final 3rd, we certainly have the ammunition to score plenty of goals.

Unfortunately we simply cannot defend. Relying on Chris ‘Bambi on ice’ Smalling to martial the defence is the stuff of nightmares.

Saying all of this, all England fans know how our journey will end. Whether it’s a feeble exit at the last 16, or an agonizing defeat at the final hurdle, it’s the Germans, a penalty shoot-out and floods of English tears. But hey, football fan or not you can monitor all the agony and ecstasy with our Euro 2016 feature. Check it out here, bookmark it and follow all the action with us.

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jhuyton's picture
by James Huyton,

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